I sent my daughter to her room for a 5-minute time out and forgot about her for an hour.

My underage daughter asked me to buy her Apple Pucker for a party—I did because I didn’t know it was alcohol.

Today, I locked my keys in the car with the engine running and my baby in the car seat. I had to make funny faces at her through the window while I waited 20 minutes for my husband to get home with the spare set of keys.

I’m 17 and have been making my own school lunches since 3rd grade, but the other day when I dumped it out on the table I found a love note from my mom. Now everybody calls me Pookie.

I told my son the little monster at the back of my closet took his pacifier because he turned three but he could go try to get it back if he really wants to…

I made Hamburger Helper again for dinner even though I can’t eat that crap.

I skipped my daughter’s band concert to go shopping but acted like I had been
there the whole time.

My son hasn’t eaten a vegetable in at least five years.

I told my son I didn’t have lunch money just so I would have enough to buy cigarettes later.

At a friend’s house, I watched her 3-year-old eat a piece of cat food and didn’t stop him.